The sight of small plastic bags bulging with canine faecal matter swinging gently in a tree is familiar in London. Dog owners across the capital have honed the technique of scooping up a turd in a little bag and tying a knot in the handles and then, rather than following the next logical step of finding a bin, hanging it in a tree as one would a Christmas bauble.
Normal people find this behaviour utterly disgusting, but estate agents say that trees full of shit are actually having the effect of boosting house prices. Nathan Cherrystone of Cherrystone Estate Agents in Kitehaven explains. “Prospective buyers who see an avenue of shitty trees are very impressed. They know it’s only wealthy middle-class dog owners who engage in this bizarre ritual, so it reflects well on the calibre of neighbours they could end up living amongst.”
The turd arbour on Darke Park has become a popular meeting place for local dog walkers. Bluelands Council is yet to respond to a recent petition from non-dog owners to install special poo bins in the area, and Cherrystone suspects the council are bowing to pressure from nearby residents who are enjoying seeing the value of their properties rise. “It’s good business for us so we’re not complaining.”