Tag Archives: #cars

Car alarm most pointless invention that everyone owns

The ear-splitting shriek of a car alarm doesn’t have the effect on people that it was originally intended to, according to a leading car magazine. Instead of scaring the shit out of a would-be car thief and making him run away, car thieves know how to disable an alarm with a few taps on a mobile phone, after which they’ll open the door and fill a bag with the contents of the glove box, loose change left in that tray thing next to the gear stick, and that expensive leather jacket you left on the back seat.  If your motor is fancy, they might even drive it away and sell it on to Harry ‘the hoist’ Vaughan for a re-spray and a cross-Channel trip to Cherbourg.

For some inexplicable reason, almost all modern cars are fitted with an alarm despite drivers knowing that their neighbours are not the community spirited vigilantes they would like to think they are, and will not come rushing out to tackle a TWOCcer in the middle of the night.  In fact, in a recent survey carried out by Who’s Car? magazine, 100% of people would ignore a car alarm whilst praying the car will spontaneously combust and fry the electrics.

Cars are now only protected against pigeons landing on them, cats walking near them, and overhead thunderstorms.  Says Who’s Car? spokesman Colin Breezedale, “But voted the most irritating use of a car alarm is when a woman accidentally sets it off getting into her husband’s car and not knowing how to turn it off.”