A low-cost solution to the spiralling costs associated with the construction of the HS2 rail link has presented itself in an unlikely way.
The current coronavirus crisis is predicted to create unemployment on an unprecedented scale, and government officials are said to be drawing up plans to build forced labour camps along the proposed HS2 route in preparation.
A report leaked to The Bluelands Gazette reveals that the predicted 6 million unemployed people facing financial hardship will be press ganged, medieval navy-style, into work on the vital rail link.
A Whitehall source, who wished to remain anonymous, told us that forcing poor people to work for the good of the nation may go down in Tory party history as being the most innovative scheme for re-employment ever conceived. “Everyone knows that gainful employment is the key to people’s sense of self-worth. And what better way of boosting the mood of the country than to unite the north and south of England in a patriotic sense of shared starvation, drudgery and death from poor sanitation?”
Temporary wooden Victorian-style workhouses with all mod cons are proposed to house workers for up to 8 years, although wifi connectivity has been ruled out for fear of encouraging workers to Tweet about mistreatment by gangmasters.
It is thought that once finished, the rail link will provide new job opportunities for the ex-workers who didn’t die, and everyone will be bloody delighted to go back to their mind numbingly dull careers.