Keir Starmer desperate for government to announce exit strategy so that he can criticise it

Newly elected leader of the Labour party, Sir Keir Starmer, is reported to be impatiently awaiting the government’s announcement on the UK’s Coronavirus exit strategy.

With another 3 weeks of lockdown just announced, Boris Johnson’s right-hand man, Dominic Raab, has yet to give news of how Britain will ease back into normal life.  Speaking to The Bluelands Gazette today opposition party insiders admit that Sir Keir Starmer is running out of things to criticise the government for.

“Nobody knows for sure how Boris Johnson will ease lockdown restrictions, or when.  But one thing is absolutely certain: whatever it turns out to be, Starmer will be on Twitter, Newsnight and The bloody One Show denouncing the plan as all shades of shit to a Sunday.”  When asked how one can be so sure that Sir Keir will oppose the as yet to be drafted timeline, the party insider replied that the job of an opposition party is to vehemently criticise all government policies, regardless of how brilliant they appear to be.

“Modern politics is all about arguing with the party in opposition to you, publicly, and desperately trying to come up with a vaguely believable reason for doing so.”

The Prime Minister, meanwhile, is spending his sick leave formulating a suitable trolling to Sir Keir’s inevitable repudiation of the future proposals.



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