Hayfever or Covid-19? Take our quiz to find out

Are you a retired boomer, confused about how to distinguish between a seasonal affliction that is a total pain in the arse as soon as spring arrives, and a deadly pandemic?  Take our quiz to find out what might be going on.

1.  You are experiencing worrying symptoms of a sore throat, a cough, and a loss of your sense of taste and smell.  Could this be because:

a.  Your house has been full of daffodils, crocuses, and gladioli for the past week

b.  A week ago your house was full of friends and family wearing homemade facemasks, to celebrate your granddaughter passing her driving test “Well she deserves a little party”

2.  You feel hot and sweaty, but then cold and clammy.  Could this be because:

a.  It’s 18 degrees centigrade outside but you’ve forgotten to turn the heating off, so you’re sitting in a deckchair next to the rosebushes in just your underpants ‘to cool down’

b.  You fell asleep on the nightbus after Judy’s wine and cheese evening and woke up with your tongue resting on the handrail in front of you

3.  You are short of breath.  Could this be because:

a.  You’ve just power-walked all the way to Homebase and back to buy rhododendron, buddleia and lupins for the front garden ‘to show Jeff and Carole that we’re not chavs’

b. You decided that the government’s social distancing guidelines don’t apply to you, so you’ve spent Sunday picnicking with your friends and half the neighbourhood on the heath

Mostly A’s:  You probably have hayfever.  Self- isolate anyway, just in case.

Mostly B’s:  You probably have Covid-19.  Self-isolate and hope to God you haven’t just sealed another person’s fate with your cavalier attitude.

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