Joggers have today confirmed that will definitely run straight through small groups of people causing them to move out of the way slightly. This is despite overwhelming evidence that the rest of the road and pavement is, in fact, completely empty.
Passer-by Steve, 43, is puzzled by this strange behaviour. “The wife and I were just enjoying our daily government sanctioned walk. There wasn’t a car on the road, and no one else to be seen, apart from a jogger in the distance. He ran towards us on the other side of the road, then crossed to our side just before getting to us. We had to step aside a bit to let him pass. What the bloody hell was that all about? Twat.”
Innocent walkers around the country have reported similar incidences, with some even having to hastily dive out of the way of oncoming Lycra-clad fitness freaks. However, concerns that the heavy breathing, sweating, excess-saliva-spitting hobby runners may be hoping to spreading Coronavirus have been pooh-poohed by the running community.
“It’s complete rubbish”, splutters the president of London running club Bluelands Panthers, Gavin Jones. “The 2 metre rule simply doesn’t apply to us. The reason we brush past complete strangers in an unneccessarily intimate way is to show them how lithe and toned we are. That’s all. It’s pure vanity and nothing more.” Shirley Higgs, wearing some unfeasibly tight leggings and a sport bra, agrees. “People need to catch a whiff of our sweaty armpits as we zoom past. Perhaps a few droplets of sweat, or actual physical contact. We’re doing them a service. Why should we run unobstructed on a clear stretch of pavement? Don’t be ridiculous.”
Gavin takes his top off. “I might run past that couple over there in a minute with my bare chest. Have you seen these pecs? Go on, have a feel.”