A woman has been arrested by Italian police after being caught stealing mosaic pieces from the floor of an important historical site. According to a local police spokesman, in her statement she claimed that her interior designer back in the UK couldn’t find any tiles she liked, despite the brief being to find something ‘that evokes the aesthetic of ancient Italianate interior design with a hint of 70’s decadence’. Pompeii police found dozens of the priceless artefacts in her bag.
The statement, leaked exclusively to The Bluelands Gazette, reads: “Why shouldn’t I have exactly what I want in my bathroom? I’ve paid a lot of money already for the basins and taps and showers, and I expect a high level of service. I suggested to my designer that she might want to think about raiding a UNESCO World Heritage site to get the look I want, but all I got from her was a load of ‘can’t be bothered’ attitude.”
We tracked down the interior designer in question who wearily told us that the woman, who is receiving British consular assistance but has not yet been named, has been a total ball ache to deal with. “She couldn’t decide from brochure pictures what she wanted, so she insisted on us ordering the entire bathroom and delivering it to her free of charge so she could touch it and breathe all over it and then decide whether she wanted it or not. And then take it away if she didn’t like it. Then she comes out with this ridiculous idea about the bloody mosaic tiles.”
The designer continues. “I hope she gets thrown into an Italian prison and has to eat boiled pasta every day until her arse is the size of her new sofa that I spent 3 months sourcing.”