Building contractor ‘confident’ project will be finished next week as planned, despite roof not being on yet

A building contractor who managed to wangle the kind of contract where the client pays by the day is confident that the job is very nearly finished.  “You’d be surprised at how quickly a build comes together at the last minute.”  Site foreman Miff McDonald takes a sip from his 12th cuppa of the day and adds, “But if it doesn’t, I’m going to have to invoice the client for another week’s work.  I’m a perfectionist and I’m not signing off on a job until my noggins are hammered in at just the right angle.  My client deserves nothing less.”

Client Gareth Mason is less than convinced.  “This house is nowhere near finished. It looks like it’s been picked up and shaken like a giant snowglobe.  The garden is like the bloody Somme, and the Portaloo on the driveway has a brand new copy of Ulysses hanging from a nail on a piece of string.”  Mason flicks the kettle on for the umpteenth time today and lines up 9 mugs on a Cath Kidston tea tray.  “I don’t give a toss about the noggins.  Do we even need them?  Jesus, now we’ve run out of Garibaldi’s.”

Mason admits he probably should have ordered the kitchen when he was told to last month, and not when, and only when, his wife has decided where the Nutribullet will go.  “She still can’t decide whether the Nutribullet will go to the left of the toaster or to the right, or what colour to paint the walls in the dining room.  So for some reason, we can’t order the kitchen.  Or the Nutribullet.”

 

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