PAT testing ‘bollocks’

Your company’s HR department no doubt insists that every year your office manager drops what they are doing and carries out a PAT (Portable Appliance Test) test.  HR will send a memo to everyone in the company informing them that this is a legal requirement in the workplace and they should co-operate; however, The Bluelands Gazette can reveal that this is complete and utter bollocks.

As a glance at The Health and Safety Executive’s website will tell you, PAT testing is neither compulsory nor legally binding.  So why do workplaces across the country have to partake in this tedious and pointless exercise?  We spoke to John, and office manager from Croydon.  “I just don’t know.  Every year I stare at the photocopier for a minute, then I walk into the post room and stare at the shredder.  If they don’t melt in front of my eyes I put a little green sticker on them to say they’re not deadly.  What I want to know is, if one of them does hurt someone, will it be my fault?  Will I get sued for negligence?  I really don’t want that kind of responsibility.”

An HSE spokesman confirmed that the testing is indeed a waste of time, mainly because the person doing the testing doesn’t need to be a qualified electrician or have any qualification of any kind.  They do, however, need to be in possession of at least one eye that operates to a reasonable standard.

We join Shirley, an office manager from Orpington, as she gawps at the office toaster.  “It seems OK to me”, she declares.  “Though we’ve been using it for a good 6 years without it electrocuting anyone, so it comes as no surprise.”  Shirley pops the 6th green sticker over the top of the other 5 stickers previously attached to the plug.  “What a load of bollocks.”

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