Bake Off showstoppers look ‘utterly ridiculous’, say real bakers

A spokesman for the Worshipful Alliance of Master Bakers has slammed The Great British Bake Off for promoting unrealistic expectations of cake.

“Every week contestants are goaded by the producers into creating a cake that looks like the product of a psychotropic drug-induced nightmare.  I don’t know a single one of our members who have been asked to produce a turquoise fairy castle complete with a raspberry moat and a maiden on a unicorn trapped on the turret, but for some reason hundreds of pounds-worth of ingredients are wasted making this kind of shit every week.”

Despite self-styled amateur patissieres being lazy bastards who think it’s acceptable to buy cartons of ready-made frosting from the supermarket, the popular TV program is still causing an epidemic of home baking that is off the scale. “I don’t know what that scale is”, said the spokesman yesterday, “but whatever it is, it’s off it.”