New figures just in: MPs spend more time apologising for stuff they’ve said than on doing their jobs

MPs find it almost impossible to get through a week without saying or tweeting something racist, sexist, homophobic or gingerist, says a new report out today. The writing of official apologies in order to try and mitigate any offence caused now takes up approximately 64% of the average MP’s working week.

The split between types of offense caused makes for interesting reading, too. Conservative MPs are partial to traditional, well-worn offensive remarks involving misogyny, or simple pompous elitism. But the younger generation just starting out in their political careers, particularly left-leaning liberals, are more likely to find that an immature racist or anti-semitic tweet from their student days will re-surface at a crucial point to ruin their future in politics.

Staff turnover in politics is at it’s highest ever, with many parliamentarians opting to take the easy way out and simply resign, rather than write a grovelling apology in the public domain. Many resign after writing an apology anyway, as it has become increasingly obvious that apologising is a waste of time, and will definitely be thrown back in their face by everyone on the internet. Not making an apology is career suicide, so resigning is the most sensible option for most. Newly elected opposition MP Nathan Fox-Dalkey told us, “I’m looking forward to serving my constituents, tweeting something utterly heinous and having to resign all before my 30th birthday. I’ve already started saving up to buy a coffee shop once my political ambitions are destroyed forever.”

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