Face painting for adults to be made illegal

Grown men and women who think it is acceptable to paint their faces like toddlers will be subject to penalties under tough new sanctions proposed this week.

If successful, anyone aged 18 or over will be fined if caught in public with a painted face, although professional clowns can apply for a special licence that exempts them from following the rules.

The number of adults who have been seen in public wearing football and rugby team colours, national flags and characters from Disney films on their faces has increased in recent years sparking accusations of childhood appropriation.  Rugby stadia have been plagued this month, during the start of the Six Nations Championship, with embarrassingly poor attempts at the flags of the countries competing plastered onto the over-excited faces of thousands of fans.  P.C. Corey Maslin, a police officer who regularly patrols Murrayfield on horseback during matches, is in favour of the new ban.  “These people look completely bloody ridiculous.  I’m tired of having to look at their pathetic, sweaty, streak-stained efforts.”

Music festival organisers have greeted the news with anger, claiming that people who are stoned and/or shitfaced have no control over their facial appearance and may succumb to a Hannibal Lector paint job ‘for a laugh’.

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