No mobile data at Clapham Junction due to vast black hole of existential anguish

Anyone who travels regularly through the UK’s busiest train station, Clapham Junction, will be only too aware of the peculiar lack of mobile data signal within a 100 metre radius of the area.

This strange anomaly has now been identified by paranormal researchers as being caused by a vortex of mental torment.  Head researcher, Hamish Baines, says that this oppressive vortex is literally sucking network signals out of the ether.  “We have found that, ironically, the frustration that commuters feel at the lack of signal is strengthening this manifestation exponentially and making the whole issue self-perpetuating.  Our sensitive instruments are capable at picking up even low-level apathy, but the silent desperation recently detected as commuters pass through has cast a dismal pall over the Battersea area.”

Baines is not optimistic about the matter being resolved any time soon. “Last year’s Southern Rail debacle cankered the Borley flange our weirdness radar and they are really bloody expensive to replace.”

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