Convicted murderers up and down the country have reacted angrily to vegans’ claims that meat-eaters are like them, says The Murderers Society of Great Britain. Society spokesman Karl Kalliendis said yesterday, “As recent news headlines have shown, vegans are harassing their non-vegan friends and acquaintances for eating meat in a desperate bid to appear morally superior. These people are resorting to slanderous accusations of being an accessory to torture and killing. We are are massively pissed off about it.”
Celebrated serial killer Geoffrey Nighy, currently serving 4 life sentences for a number of sadistic killings in the 1990’s, recently wrote a letter of support to Amelia Snade* of Tunbridge Wells. Says Nighy “Being a serial killer requires a dedicated, hands-on approach. People like Amelia don’t know the first thing about murder. It’s a shame her vegan friends are being such shrieky-voiced nimbys about it. I’ve told her that if she wants her friends dealt with humanely, I’ve got contacts on the outside who can take care of it.”
We also asked The Rapists Society of Great Britain for a comment on how they feel about being likened to people who enjoy milk in their Earl Grey, but they didn’t understand the question, and neither did we really, so we just left it.
*name has been changed to protect her from furious vegans