Weather forecasters strangely vague despite advances in meteorology

Getting a decisive weather forecast from the Met Office these days is impossible, and it’s getting even more impossibler, say fans of the weather.

“Once upon a time when most people were children, the BBC would put out a long-range weather report covering 2-4 weeks, and which were pretty accurate most of the time”, says weather fan David.  “Nowadays the Met Office only seem willing to predict up to 5 days ahead.”  This typical report from last Tuesday is a prime example.

“Wednesday morning across England may be windy at times, with winds possibly gusting from the west or north-west, which could bring a drop in temperature.  Clouds may clear in the afternoon to make way for some sunny spells, unless they don’t, in which case there may be scattered showers in some places. Any scattered showers may be quite heavy and cause localised flooding, or they may be very light and will clear to the east or west any time from late afternoon Wednesday into lunchtime on Friday.  Here’s lovely picture of the sun by Hannah Tompkins, aged 7.”

A Met Office spokesman told us they’re scared of getting sued by farmers who harvest their crops at the wrong time due to dodgy forecasting.  “When we get it wrong, which is between 40 and 90 percent of the time, we tend to blame it on a glitch in our computer system.  No one understands our highly complex programs which analyse global weather patterns, including the I.T. department, who have to re-boot it when it goes down.  In fact they had to turn it off and on again the other day when Angie clicked on a link telling her she’d won the Ghanaian national lottery.  The firewall failed so we had to stand in the car-park and see how big the storm clouds were getting.”

The North Wessex Pig Farmers Association is suing the Met Office after 8 herds of Gloucester Old Spot pigs were struck by lightning in a single night.  The Basingstoke Rib House is doing a ‘Buy 1 Get 3 Free’ meal deal until Sunday.

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