Amateur athletes who train for and compete in triathlons are unbelievably boring, suggests a damning report published today. The report reveals that these people think being a triathlete makes them appear fascinating and courageous to their work colleagues and complete strangers, but it apparently only underlines that they need a pointless activity to add meaning to their otherwise hollow lives.
Shirley Flapps, of The British Triathlon Society, has angrily refuted these claims. “Our members have reported a huge rise in perceived popularity when they tell others about their training regimes and daily calorific intake requirements. For example, one of our members told me that during a recent company training course, when each delegate was asked to introduce themselves to the group and mention one interesting fact about themselves, merely telling the others about his upcoming triathlon caused everyone to fall silent in rapt awe. So impressed were they with his lengthy explanation of how he hopes to lead a more meaningful life through the transformative power of an extreme physical challenge, that no one even spoke to him during the lunch break.”