Dial-up internet returns to Bluelands!

An award-winning tech company of hipsters have begun marketing their new dial-up internet service to cash-strapped locals, in a bid to show everyone how trendy and post-modern they are. According to Tom Harkness-Kilgrove, Project Director at TechTorpor, “Most Londoners are finding that their broadband speeds are nowhere near what their providers claim they are, but are still forced to pay a premium price.  We aim to bring back a service which won’t work quite as well as modern broadband, for those of us who just want to surf the net, send and receive e-mails, and nothing more fancy than that. Gaming and streaming will be impossible, so don’t even bother, but those people aren’t our target market anyway.” The Broad Street-based firm have been working on the project for 6 months and are keen to spread the word that fibre-optic is, like, so over.  “If you dress like a Quaker and have smashed avocado on sourdough for brunch, our dial-up is perfect for enhancing your nu-minimalist lifestyle.”

Harkness-Kilgrove is confident that the quality of service will be surprisingly mediocre, though not at all like the lumbering dinosaur most of us would assume. “We are aiming for speeds of around 56kbps, which is adequate for most basic internet usage, and for customers who practice mindfulness.  Computers and laptops will need to have slightly older operating systems installed, such as WinXP or Windows 2000, but hipsters like us will relish the opportunity to be all retro in an ironic way.”

A new telephone exchange is in the final stages of being set up, which will provide the portal to which users will dial into. Harkness-Kilgrove has the final word. “No set up fees, no monthly subscriptions, no contracts. Dump your broadband provider- and sign up to DylUp.”

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